Sunday, January 30, 2011

Top ten glitches that changed my life. pt3

Within the next few weeks I am going to do a reoccurring post that will follow the top ten glitches that I have experienced in my life. These will be my own personal accounts of glitches so you may see some that happened to you and you may see some that did not. Along with talking about the glitches themselves I will be talking about how they effected my life as well, be it virtual or real life. The term glitch will also be used liberally to mean anything that breaks, distorts, borks, cheats (not codes), or does something in the game that is unusual or unintended. I would love to hear what anyone thinks everything so let me know in the comments.

Grand Theft Auto 3
Tanks... tanks everywhere

Hey guys how are you?!
I remember being so happy when I opened that present on my birthday to see the colorful album art of GTA 3 staring back at me. I was stunned that they would buy me a game where I could kill hookers and set people on fire, those being my favorite pastimes in that game. Sure this game may have had some complex ideas about right and wrong ( I think) and was wrought with violence, and maybe that did shape me as a child but I have not gone on a flamethrower rampage yet. I also remember the day that I discovered the tank cheat code and subsequently broke the game entirely.

This games was renowned for being a major contributor in both kid violence and sandbox game play. It also was renowned for being super buggy with a wonky camera system and planes that could not fly. This is why I used cheat codes in this game to begin with, I just wanted to play, not try and do stupid racing missions. During one of my run-and-gunscapades I wound up atop a doughnut building surrounded by police and in dire need of a miracle... or code. Rockets were ineffective against the masses and the health cheat took too long to enter. I knew that I would surely die if I set foot off the rooftop and so I decided to try and make a tank appear on the roof so I could ride away with style and a cannon. I did the ritualistic dance to summon the tank from the Nega and I watched as the portal opened and the tank fell from the sky, not on the roof, but onto a pile of cop cars. My characters soul may have been sacrificed but the lulz that were had were well worth the price. I began to do the cheat over and over again making a pile of tanks that crushed all the cars that came near me.
"Loan me a 20?"

Slowly but surely I noticed a change in the world. There were small pyramids of tanks where a battle had occurred and I had used my dark powers to win. But there we so few cars around, and the streets seemed dead. I would look for a cab but none would come near. Occasionally I would find a group of people and I would slaughter them, the stars would pop up on my screen and I would hear sirens but no cops would arrive on the scene. No ambulances would come by to help the dearly departed, they would just lie there as my o so alone character stood over them with a rifle. No this is not the beginning of your new favorite creepy pasta, though I might just do that, it is what happens when you overload the games cache.

My city looked like this in some places.
The tanks were somehow a constant strain on the processor and were always put in place even if that part of the map had not even loaded. This meant that all the other cars had no room to be created, even most of the ones that were supposed to always be placed in the same location. The only way to get around was to summon another tank and go from there. Even the missions became broken as some critical cars would never load. I took it upon myself to fix this problem but seeing as how most tanks were indestructible and I had made just over nine-thousand of them the better decision was to just restart.  I did not want to do this as I had just made it to the third island before the realization set in but it was the only option. With bitter tears in my eyes I deleted the save file off my card and began anew. My new character oblivious to the horrors that had befallen his predecessor.

What did you learn?

I learned that while sometimes you can cheat a little and everything will be fine. Sometimes however, even in real life, too much of cheating will burn you in the end. Too much of a bad thing is a bad thing. I also learned that you should never save your game when using cheat codes.


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  1. "Sure this game may have had some complex ideas about right and wrong"
    You think? :D

  2. Running over people with a tank I spawned...the good days...

  3. Haha, great post man.

    Moral of the story here is just shoot them hookers and get your money back.

  4. I remember that cheat...however I don't think I ever had that many tanks summoned at once. Haha

  5. Ahaha made me laugh and remember...

  6. Ha! I cheat on my taxes and it will NEVER COME BACK TO BURN ME IN THE END. I think.

    Please, PLEASE do not make a creepypasta in the world of tank-filled, siren's-in-the-distance Liberty City! I. Will. Kill. You.

    Hey, look at those other pages...

  7. "most tanks were indestructible and I had made just over nine-thousand of them" lol. Sorry to hear about your vintage save file bro, that's the worst.

  8. Used to do this all the time too, such a great game

  9. brought lots of hours spent messing about on that game, good stuff. Following for more

  10. I blame the developers, they should have also included a cheat that gives you anti tank missiles, or maybe mines.

  11. oh man i miss playing gta. such a great game.

  12. those are all awesome haha i remember most of them

  13. nice post! funny!