Saturday, January 22, 2011

Top Ten Glitches that Have Changed My Life. 2

Within the next few weeks I am going to do a reoccurring post that will follow the top ten glitches that I have experienced in my life. These will be my own personal accounts of glitches so you may see some that happened to you and you may see some that did not. Along with talking about the glitches themselves I will be talking about how they effected my life as well, be it virtual or real life. The term glitch will also be used liberally to mean anything that breaks, distorts, borks, cheats (not codes), or does something in the game that is unusual or unintended. I would love to hear what anyone thinks everything so let me know in the comments.

 Tomb Raider 2
Butler of Death

Oh sweet Jesus wolves!
Looking back I can remember that games when I was a child were quite gruesome. Take for example the Tomb Raider series with it sexy heroine routinely being killed in fashionable ways. Despite it being rated teen I remember her getting smashed into nothing, slowly descending on a impaling pole, being turned into gold, and blown into little Lara pieces. I also remember arguing with my parents about whether a ten year old could play a teen game, may be they were not so wrong after all. Besides all this violence there are several memories attached to this game, a good chunk of those within the first two levels and the mansion. 

You were able to explore her mansion for what I believe was the first time in Tomb Raider 2. Within this mansion were several obstacle courses, a few hidden areas, and a farting butler. This butler was simultaneously the most annoying and the most amusing arrangement of polygons in my young life. He would follow you around into any room you explored, no matter how impossible it was to reach, just groaning and farting. He would sneak up behind you and stand at your back in the darkest recesses of the house. He would get in your way just as you made a critical jump. He would always be there, groaning with his tea tray and unblinking eyes.

Stay in there you psycho!
I devised a plan to rid myself of the menacing butler forever by trapping him in some remote corner of the house. Scouring the house I stumbled upon the perfect trap, the meat freezer! His insatiable craving for preserved flesh would take him right there and hopefully keep him occupied until I turned the game off. Using myself as bait I would stand motionless in the dank freezer with the door ajar waiting for him. Eventually I would hear the moans and wails of the wretched man as he made his way toward his final resting place. His hideous wrinkles would shine in the light of the hall as he stepped into the freezer door. Like a flash he was upon me and I would open fire, his magic tea tray blocking every shot but keeping him motionless as I made my way to the door and shut the monster in. Farts of agony came from within the freezer as I watched the giant metal door shake and sway, part of his body bleeding through threatening to de-materialize and seep through the cracks. I would make a hasty retreat hoping that he would lose the scent and give up his never ending hunt.

Occasionally this method would not work, somehow he would escape. On these very rare occasions the blood lust in his eyes would become so fierce I would tremble on my couch. Luckily I had devised a plan to keep him sealed forever. There was a large square shaped bush which you would crawl under to get to a certain area. The butler could not enter this bush for some reason, I had deemed it the Holy Bush. Using the same method as the freezer I would lure him in and then attack. Every time I shot the Butler he would go back about a centimeter and I could actually push him into the holy bush this way. When the dust settled and the shells all fell he would be trapped in the Holy Bush, unable to escape at all. I like tho think that the brambles and thorn dug into his evil soul an anchored him in place for eternity.

While the first method was not a glitch it still fell under the "playing the game in an unintentional way" category. Also the actual Bush glitch would not have made any sense without the first mentioned.

What did you learn?

Though my adventures in Lara mansion I learned that you should never ever trust butlers especially if they fart. It also taught me to enjoy the silly things in a game even if I can not enjoy the game itself.


P.S. I know this is not a glitch but it was worth mentioning.


  1. Damn, you really love lara croft

  2. Cool man I thinks she's hot too

  3. I really like the borderlands armory hack, changed my life from being a good person to a greedy bastard that runs through all chests getting the items before the other people.

  4. Farts of agony! :D
    Can't wait to read the rest of the series.
    Made me nostalgia, too!

    Following and supporting!

  5. Lara Croft was one of my first crushes as a kid. Loved playing as her in this game.

  6. my dad always used to rage when he played lara croft.

    now I see.

  7. Man I loved this game. always trapped that old man into the freezer

  8. I could not stop laughing. I had forgotten about the Butler until you mentioned him...and now thinking back about trapping him like that is just truly hilarious.

  9. Trapping the butler in the freezer...could have sexy results. I always loved her mansion.
    Also, I plan on using the phrase "bush glitch" outside the game world to see what happens.

  10. Wow...I used to play Tomb Raider on my brother's pc when I was a kid, I feel nostalgic now :)

  11. Ah man, I remember first trapping the butler in the freezer every time I wanted to run the obstacle course. I never was able to get to the secret room in Lara's house.